Emerging Women

What do our wedding traditions say about our perspectives on gender roles? I recently read an article (here) that outlined the ways in which modern feminists are breaking with wedding traditions. For some there were obvious choices – like not being given away by one’s father as if you were a piece of property- while others simply wanted to avoid consumeristic messages that tell women we are good only if we spend a lot of money making ourselves pretty. For these women, it’s not about tradition its about avoiding supporting messages they don’t agree with.

In some ways I get where they are coming from. Nearly ten years ago, I had the traditional wedding. Granted we cut the “obey” line out of the vows and both sets of parents gave us both away, but all the trappings were there. White dress complete with the butt bow, attendants, flowers, bad hair-do, unity candle, guest book – I had it all. I took my husbands name, stuck with all the traditions, and really didn’t think twice about what it all meant. But I kinda wish I had. My wedding wasn’t “me” – even back then. I had all that cheezy crap (oh looking floating candles as centerpieces) because I thought it was what was expected. I didn’t think about what I was supporting or what messages about women I was affirming. Now, I like the idea of weddings (and strongly support marriage), but I wish I had been comfortable enough with myself to just have the sort of celebration that affirmed who I was. The traditions and trappings matter far less to me than the purpose of commemorating the joining of two lives.

What about you all? Did issues of gender roles, tradition, and unspoken messages affect your weddings (or future wedding)? Do you wish they had? Are you glad they didn’t? Please share your thoughts.