Emerging Women

By Adele Sakler

i’d love to thank William Lobdell and his book, ‘Losing My Religion: How I Lost My Faith Reporting on Religion in America – and Found Unexpected Peace’ for inspiring this post. While in Indonesia diving, we met a lovely couple from the Bay Area who are currently living in Shanghai, China. She was reading Lobdell’s book as she had worked with him at one point in her career. She told me what it was about and i immediately knew i would resonate with it and told her i’d have to read it. Coming back to our villa one afternoon after diving, i found his book sitting on the chair on our front porch. She said it was her gift to me, and it was in more ways than one for sure!

Lobdell has a similar journey as mine and in the course of writing and covering Picture-1 religious stories for the LA TIMES thought of this as G-D’s calling on his life. He fervently sought out the most interesting stories to tell and attempted be as authentic and neutral as any human could be in his line of work. He covered ALL religions with enthusiasm, integrity and as a way to learn more about others. Naturally when stories emerged about the Catholic Church and the abusive sex scandals perpetrated upon innocent children and the attempts to cover up and dodge any responsibility, Lobdell was a natural to cover the stories.

Throughout the years of covering positive religious stories through his evangelical eyes and then on his journey to converting to Catholicism, Lobdell then began questioning why a ‘GOOD G-D’ would allow these horrible things to happen. He wondered why so many times Christians really did not act all that differently from people who claimed no religion at all. In essence, he was not seeing any real transformation in the lives of people who cling to their religion. Often, religion is a power tool to be wielded to control, conceal, keep up appearances. He talked with close friends but came to the point in his life where he did not need G-D in his life or the assurance of an afterlife. He de-converted from his faith and came to peace and freedom in his life.

Excerpts from Lobdell’s Epilogue that have caused me to pause and chew:

‘The laws of nature, circumstance and coincidence make more sense than the divine’ (p. 276)

‘I guess time will tell whether my decision was foolish or smart. But I have no regrets. For me, it was the move I had to make.’ (p. 283)

There is so much just in those excerpts but even MORE in the entirety of his book. i have asked the same kinds of questions he raised about Christianity and G-D. i know of many of the religious figures he mentioned and covered in his reporting. He mentioned a Benny Hinn crusade in Las Vegas, NV where a blind boy was brought for healing by his babysitter. Out of fear the boy said he was healed. Hinn made a big ta-do about it by saying G-D told him to pay the boy’s medical bills and his education. When i read this i realized i had been at that crusade. A friend who was battling terrilbly chronic health problems asked me to drive with her to attend the healing crusade. She was desperate to find relief and i agreed even though i had no respect for Hinn. i had attended a crusade of his years before and felt like it was all a sham. i just felt i needed to support my friend and it was a way of spending some quality time with her. The boy was never really healed. Lobdell wrote about the boy, William, and his uncle and guardian, Randy, that, ‘It took two years, a series of phone calls and my inquiry before his family was told that a $10,000 fund had been set up in William’s name. Randy still couldn’t get any details on how to access the account until a second story appeared about William.’ ( p. 187) i remember that display of ‘hearing G-D’ really rubbed me the wrong way while i sat there next to my ill friend. i remember feeling uncomfortable yet cautious that i was being judgmental of one of G-D’s children. Then when i read about all of the follow-up, i was a bit more comforted in my sensibilities at that time. i believe there is a difference between judging people and using one’s brain in critical thinking and observation.

i have deconstructed my faith and continue to do so as i see it as a simultaneous and continuous process in tandem with reconstruction of my faith and beliefs. i guess in some sense i see it as an arduous process of wrestling with a thesis, deconstructing and looking at what the antithesis possibilities are and coming to some sort of synthesis. Maybe i am wrong but this is where i am at and how i deal with my faith. i believe intellect, reason, emotions, personal experiences, limitations of humanity, etc. ALL play a part in our lives, whether we believe in some form of a Divine Being or not. After reading Lobdell’s book, finding myself wrestling with so many of the same damn questions as he did, i am in a quandary as to why do i still hang on to a belief in G-D. Yes, many of my once-held beliefs like the inerrancy of the Bible, black and white, easy pat answers, with certainties taken at face value, are no longer a part of my faith. i hold things loosely as i am a human not fully capable of knowing the mind and purposes of G-D. Yet, like Lobdell, the answers often given as to why bad things happen to good people and why G-D allows it all, are just tired, tortured and plain unsatisfying. YET, why do i still hang on when someone like Lobdell de-converted and left his Christian faith all behind and found utter peace? WHAT makes me different; not better, mind you? Am i just afraid to let go or am i stupid or deluded? It took me years to get to the point of accepting my sexuality and coming to peace with G-D about it. i FINALLY have peace and joy in my life like never before. Like Lobdell, i am still the same person with the same morals and find myself ever more grateful in my life. Like Lobdell, i still stumble and fail miserably as a human being. What makes me and Lobdell so different with such similar stories of faith journeys? Why did he decide to stop wrestling with the mysteries and questions and find peace outside of his faith while i find comfort and peace in the mysteries and wrestling? What are your thoughts?

i leave you with this quote:

“The constant assertion of belief is an indication of fear.”
– Jiddu Krishnamurti

Adele Sakler currently resides in Sacramento, California with her partner, and their cute Tibetan Spaniel named Mushu. She suffers from, and is in treatment for Chronic Lyme Disease, a few other Tick-Borne diseases and Heavy Metal Toxicity. She considers herself at this point in her journey a Christian agnostic because she just can’t seem to sign on the dotted line and ascribe to all the doctrines and long-held man-made traditions of Christendom. She loves G-D and is a failing Christ-follower. She blogs at www.existentialpunk.com and is the creator and site administrator for www.queermergent.com.

By Adele Sakler

Remember how much of the world outside the U.S. laughed during the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky debacle of the 1990’s? They weren’t laughing with us. At times, this Western, naval-gazing, self-centered American culture seems quite laughable. Add to that, a prudish sub-culture of Evangelical Christianity wholly obsessed with sex, sexuality, and purity codes (perhaps a stubborn remnant of our Puritan heritage). All this singular fixation, over and above so many more pressing social and ethical issues.

Why does the Evangelical community seem so preoccupied with pointing out what they perceive to be the sins of others? Why this commitment to the role of morality police, lambasting everyone with their narrow interpretations of Scripture? It seems their selective view of holiness is far more important than how we actually treat our fellow human beings. Maybe if we worked harder on our own lives, focused on how we are treating others, a more holistic holiness could finally exude from our lives.

Sadly, this is my thesis: Evangelicals are nothing less than sex-crazed.

To the neglect of most other vices, Evangelicals are hyper-concerned with pointing out how being queer is a sin, and that the Bible explicitly denounces homosexual acts. Trust me, I get it all firsthand. But I’m not buying the rhetoric. I disagree with what I have come to consider outmoded and out-of-context religious interpretations. Of course, I do believe they have the right to their views, as I do to my own. Yet, I do not go around talking about their sex lives all of the time. Call me prudish. I think that what happens in the bedroom is between the two consenting adults who are in that bedroom.

Look, I’m trying to be a healthy, holistic person. I don’t find my identity in any one thing. I hope your sex life doesn’t define you, either. Being queer does not make up the entirety of my being, any more than being a photographer, a traveler, a blogger, etc… Sex is a normal part of a relationship, but it’s NOT all there is to that relationship.

My wife and I have all the same ups and downs of everyday life. Just like the straight couple next door. We deal with paying bills, learning better communication skills, taking care of one-another when we’re sick or down. We do household chores, go grocery shopping, and ALL those other little relationship accoutrements nobody writes poetry about, or makes picket signs over. Sex is just one aspect of the many facets in our relationship.

Every day, I am learning how to love, cherish, appreciate and care for Katryna, as she does for me. Do we have days where we fail and screw up? Of course! As I’m certain other couples struggle, as well. We pray together and alone, for one-another and for others. We are like most couples, except that we are two women who happened to fall in love. We are not constantly focused on sex, nor are we dead or indifferent to it. Sex is simply a natural and integral component of our relationship, where we deepen our bonds of intimacy with one-another, and with the Divine Creator.

It really does not matter to me where people fall on the issue of homosexuality: sin or not sin. My belief is that the Scriptures have been carelessly ripped out of their cultural and historical contexts, but when properly understood, they are not so cut-and-dry. We are human beings. We use ten percent of our brain capacity. How can we claim certainty in knowing what G-D intended for all avenues of life? The Bible is not an encyclopedia. It is not a FAQ sheet. In my view, G-D’s two greatest commandments are to love G-D, and to love others as we love ourselves. I think those were Jesus’ favorites, too. But the fruit of these commands are seen very little on this earth. When people aren’t dealing with planks in their own eyes, and are pointing out the specks in the eyes of others, they aren’t really learning to love themselves because they don’t make time to nurture and nourish themselves. They are obsessively focused on policing the morality or purity of others. Without the love of self, we can’t begin to love G-D or each other. Maybe it’s time to change focus.

Adele Sakler currently resides in Richmond, Virginia and blogs as Existential Punk is the creator and site administrator of Queermergent. She is currently going through long-term treatment for Chronic Lyme Disease, other tick-borne diseases, and heavy metal toxicity.

Adele has been a Christ-follower for 20 years and an “out” queer woman for two and-a-half years. Her involvement with the emerging church and Emergent Village has filled the better part of 10 years.