The air was surprisingly cool and crisp this morning as I set out from our property in rural central Virginia for what was supposed to be a 10 mile ride through the country. It is a ride I have done many times before and I was starting to get a bit bored with it. I decided to press on past my normal turn around point expecting to go just a little further.

I had not gone very far when two very fast, very fierce dogs began to chase me. I paddled as fast as I could up the hill and managed to escape unharmed. However, as I turned and looked behind me, my pursuers were poised in the middle of the road daring me to return. I did not have the courage to undergo another attack so I kept riding with no idea how I would get back to our cabin.

I soon found a road I recognized. I assumed it would get me back to familiar territory which it did. However, I was coming from a different direction, took a wrong turn and ended up going an additional 5 miles before I finally found my way back to our property. In total, I biked 17 miles which is quite a long ride for an old woman like me.

While I really wish the snarling dogs would have been napping when I rode past, without my fear of being eaten for lunch, I never would have found this new path. What I saw on these new roads was well worth the risk it took to get me there. I ended up on a ridge overlooking rolling green fields, came upon a creek as I passed through the Buckingham Appomattox Forest, and discovered I am biking distance to Holiday Lake State Park. Most importantly, I learned I can bike 17 miles and live. This one unexpected venture will yield months of new biking expeditions. I also grew tremendously as a biker from the experience. I learned to take a map with me, a cell phone, and will be investing in pepper spray as a nice surprise for the next pack of dogs to challenge me.

This weekend, when I was not biking through the country, I was reading Mike Breen and Steve Cockram’s book Building a Discipling Culture. I discovered why I seem so prone to adventures like the one noted above. According to the assessment tool in the appendix of the book, I am an “Apostle.” I never thought of myself that way before. However, as I read the description, a few things started to make sense to me. Breen makes the argument that every believer is given one of the five roles found in Ephesians 4:7, 11-13.

But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it…It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

Breen describes the Apostles as follows, “It is from the Greek apostolos meaning “one who is sent out.” Apostles are visionary and pioneering, always pushing into new territory. They like to establish new churches and ministries. They come up with new and innovative means to do kingdom work.”

Breen then goes on to describe the pioneering nature of the Apostle and how this spirit of adventure and the resulting changes can be unsettling to those whom he describes as “settlers.” Breen explains “Settlers look to put down roots, while pioneers are hacking through dense jungle growth in search of new territory.”

Breen warns that “The tension between Settlers and Pioneers must be understood and managed to keep from being swallowed by division. Pioneers naturally want to move into new ways and ideas of advancing the kingdom. They are willing to take risks and join the Lord in new endeavors, often long before the settler even knows the Lord is moving in that direction. Off goes the pioneer, with excitement that cannot be contained, but that disturbs the settler who is working to preserve what has been handed down by previous generations. “It worked for them, so it will work for us,” is the settler’s life motto.”

What I realized is that I have entered a whole new territory culturally, economically, and racially during a time of tremendous cultural shifts and have left some behind. They simply cannot see the critical need for new methodology to adapt to this new environment. In short, I have failed to bring people along into this new territory with a new paradigm for doing ministry.

There is no doubt in my mind that God is doing something very exciting across this country and I want Embrace to be a part of this movement of God. Some will want us to follow tried and true paths from the past. Some will see the snarling dogs blocking the road and will want to turn around and stick with the ground we have already gained. I recognize the truth of Breen’s words “Without Settlers we would never keep the frontier that was won by the pioneers. Settlers must come to build and occupy, to maintain and to increase through steady, deliberate efforts.” However, I am a pioneer. I can’t help but take Embrace down unchartered roads that may take us in the wrong direction at times. We may have to travel out of our way, face attack, and feel lost and confused some times. But, I trust that in the long run, we will find the path designed for us. It will not be exactly like anyone else’s path and it will be hard work clearing and claiming this new frontier.

Breen not only helped me see myself, my gifts, and my calling more clearly. He also helped me understand why I often feel misunderstood and why it is so hard for me to explain the things I am seeing to those whose focus is on past experiences. I have learned that if a pioneering ministry is turned over before a new paradigm is firmly in place, it will return to what is tried and true. Breen helped me understand why my unconventional ways seem so dangerous and unnecessary to some and I pray I am more sensitive to these issues in the future and do a better job of stabilizing a ministry before I move on.

Wendy McCaig is the founder and Executive Director of Embrace Richmond (www.embracerichmond.org), an urban ministry in the inner city of Richmond, Va. Her first book From the Sanctuary to the Streets: How the Dreams of One City’s Homeless Sparked a Faith Revolution that Transformed a Community was released earlier this summer. Wendy blogs at www.wendymccaig.com about social justice and Christian practice. (this post first appeared at her blog here)

First, tell us a little bit about yourself—where you live, what you do.
I live with my husband Dan in Dayton, Tennessee—home of the Scopes Monkey Trial of 1925. We’re both self-employed. I write books and articles from the dining room table and he runs a video production business from the basement. The most interesting place I’ve been is India, though my faith journey has taken me on a strange ride as well—from a place of absolute certainty, through a dark time of doubt, to a path where I am free to explore and grow and change. I blog at http://rachelheldevans.com.

Can you describe Evolving in Monkey Town in a couple of sentences?
Evolving in Monkey Town is about growing up in the apologetics-drive evangelical subculture of the 80sand 90s and then wrestling with doubts about my faith as a young adult. It’s about learning how to embrace those shades of gray after years of thinking in black and white.

What prompted you to write the book?
Well, I dressed up as an author for career day in third grade, so writing a book has been on my mind for a while! I decided to focus on this part of my story after reconnecting with old friends who said they struggled with some of the same questions and doubts after graduating from college. It seems to me that young evangelicals across the country are experiencing a sort of collective crisis of faith. When I first started asking questions about Christianity, I longed for a friend that could relate, so my hope is that Evolving in Monkey Town will be that friend for readers who are on a similar journey. I’ve heard from a lot of people who say they feel like I’ve shared “our story,” not just my own, and that makes me feel like I accomplished that goal

What has been the hardest question you have had to wrestle with in your faith journey?
Gosh. You name it, I’ve had a faith crisis over it! Coming from Dayton, the evolution issue was a big one. I struggled with some feelings of betrayal when I learned that rather than being a bogus theory made up by a bunch of godless scientist, evolution makes a lot of sense and is supported by the data. Working through the implications of this is an ongoing process, but I’ve found a lot of support from places like the BioLogos Foundation.

Perhaps the most troubling issue for me has been questions related to religious pluralism. I grew up with the assumption that all non-Christians (including those who never heard the gospel….as well as Catholics) went to hell for eternity. Even as a child this bothered me, especially after I realized this meant that people like Anne Frank would suffer eternally at the hands of an angry God. When these doubts resurfaced in college, they were dismissed as representing a lack of faith on my part. While I have come to hold a more optimistic view of God’s love for the world, I still have to deal with people who continue to insist that God will damn most people to hell for either being born at the wrong place and the wrong time or for not being among the elect. This still gets under my skin.

Was it difficult to share your story so openly with the world and has that caused you any trouble along the way?
The book has been really well received outside of Dayton, and the friends and family closest to me are incredibly supportive… but of course there’s been some gossip around town about my rumored plunge down the slippery slope! Fortunately, my “target audience” of fellow skeptics seems to get it, and that’s all that really matters to me.

How has your perception of what it means to be a woman in the church evolved on this journey as well?
Growing up I was just so confused by all the mixed messages girls receive from the church about their “biblical roles” that I never knew exactly what it meant for me to be a woman of faith. Fortunately, my mom has always been a strong-willed and free-thinking woman, so taking cues from her, I just sorta made my own way in life. I strongly support women taking leadership positions in all areas of church life and I am really lucky/blessed/fortunate/whatever to be part of a small missional church plant here in Dayton that supports that.

What other books have helped you along your faith journey? And/or what women (writers, mentors, friends) have shaped you along the way?
I love me some Flannery O’Conner, Annie Dillard, Anne Lamott, Sara Miles, and Phyllis Tickle. Also really enjoyed “How Postmodernism Serves (My) Faith” by Crystal Downing and “Everyday Justice” by that Julie Clawson chick. I have a copy of “Doubt: A History” by Jennifer Hecht on my bookshelf, but that’s mostly just to impress people.

—

And yes, her plug of my book was completely unsolicited.

Rachel would love for one of the readers here to win a free copy of her book. To enter to win just leave a comment here by midnight next Tuesday August 17 and we will randomly choose a winner. Now, you could just leave a “I want to win” comment, but it might be more interesting if we took the opportunity to share some of the big questions we have wrestled with or simply ask Rachel a question. So good luck winning the book, and thank you Rachel for sharing with us a bit of who you are!

***Update 8/19 – The contest has now ended. Congrats to Rachel T. for winning the book! ***

- Julie Clawson

Fresh from their success in parliamentary elections, a group of female politicians have posed for a calendar to highlight the growing presence of women in Czech politics. Members of the Public Affairs party will feature in a 2011 charity calendar posing provocatively in revealing outfits. The party’s racy calendar comes after a record 44 women were voted into the 200-seat lower house of the Czech parliament.

Predictably the response to this is mixed. Some are praising the women for being empowered – in their bodies and in their careers. It is classic third wave feminism, women taking control of their sexuality and using it to their advantage to show that they are in control of their own lives. Others though are mocking these women, saying that they are demeaning themselves, setting the women’s movement back thirty years, and playing into the idea that women are only useful as sex objects.

I’d be interested to hear how the readers here respond to something like this. But beyond that I’d like to hear your thoughts on women’s sexuality. Does a woman being sexy imply that she is an object for men to consume or can it be an expression of her reclaiming ownership of her body and being comfortable in her own skin? For Christians, is there any place for a woman to look good or sexy, or is that automatically condemned as sinful or tempting? What options are there for Christian women to affirm her body without sending the wrong message?

I love to hear how the readers here navigate these issues in a world where there are obviously drastically different points of view.

1. Sharon Baker: Her new book, Razing Hell, will put her on the front line of Christian thinkers asking important questions and responding to them in helpful ways.
2. Phyllis Tickle: I’m one of many who has found in Phyllis a wise big sister and mentor. (The Great Emergence)
3. Joan Chittister: She is a force of nature. Her books have enriched me for decades. (The Gift of Years)
4. Rita Nakashima Brock: Rita’s book Saving Paradise is a masterpiece.
5. Cynthia Bourgeault: Cynthia reminds me of Thomas Merton — she is a mystic with a brilliant mind who deserves far wider readership. (Centering Prayer and Inner Awakening)
6. Sallie McFague: Sallie explores the boundaries of theology and feminism, ecology, and humanness. I find her ideas stimulating and challenging, page after page. (The Body of God)
7. Nancey Murphy: Fuller Theological Seminary is fortunate to have this thought leader in postmodernism, science and faith, theological anthropology, and related issues. Her books have influenced me a great deal. (Beyond Liberalism and Fundamentalism)
8. Jo-Ann Badley: Though she hasn’t published yet, this professor from Mars Hill Graduate School is one of the best Bible expositors I’ve ever been exposed to.
9. Diana Butler Bass: Diana radiates balance and insight as she writes on church history, ethics, and politics. (A People’s History of Christianity)
10. Sharon Watkins: She hasn’t published either, but her leadership of the Disciples of Christ denomination is exemplary, and her theological instincts are superb.
11. Ruth Padilla DeBorst and Elisa Shannon Padilla: These two sisters, daughters of Rene Padilla, are formidable theological thinkers who deserve a far wider audience — not just as Latin American theologians, but as theologians of an emerging, holistic world Christianity. Both contributed to The Justice Project, which I helped edit.

I’ve read a number of these women and just added a few more to my to read list. Obviously, I think it is important that the voices of the whole church – men and women – get heard. All too often we only end up hearing from the male voices, so I appreciate the suggestions of women who are speaking important and transformative ideas into the church today. To that end I would love to hear your suggestions of women we should be reading. Please add your recommendations in the comments!

Jim Henderson of Off the Map is working on a book on how the church treats women. As part of his research he commissioned the Barna Group to conduct a survey of women’s experiences in the church. They (Barna Group) spoke with 603 women who met the following qualifications: 18 years or older, described themselves as “Christian” And had attended a Christian church service at least once during the past six months. Among those women, 63% met the survey criteria for being a “Born Again Christian.”

Here’s a bit of what the survey discovered –

1. 84% say that their church’s perspective on women in ministry is almost identical, very similar, or somewhat similar to their own.
2. 83% say that their Senior Pastor is somewhat, highly or completely supportive of women leading in their church
3. 82% say they can tell by their church’s actions that the church values the leadership of women
4. 81% say that their church provides women with the same degree of leadership opportunities as Jesus would.
5. 72% say they possess a lot of spiritual freedom in their life
6. 70% say that the media has little influence on their decision-making
7. 71% say fear is not something they experience ever or often in their life
8. 62% say that ALL leadership roles are open to them in their church.
9. Only 1% say they often struggle with jealousy
10. Among those who feel they are capable of doing more to serve God, and should be doing more, only 4% say that their fear of failure is holding them back from doing more to serve God.

Jim admits that these results seem almost unnaturally positive and asked for other women to comment if these results actually represent their own experience. Here’s what a few Emerging Women wrote on their own blogs concerning the results -

Pam Hogeweide responded -

When I first saw these stats, I had to reread them three times just to make sure I was understanding the data. It then became apparent to me: if a woman in church believes she is only meant to serve and lead other women or children, then yes, of course she is content within her church experience. If today’s Christian woman is convinced by the men in power who teach her that she is to remain dutifully in her biblically mandated role, then this is the perception she will report from.

To answer Jim’s question for myself, No, these stats do not match my experience, nor the experience of many, many women on the road of faith I have known for the last 28 years.

Kathy Escobar commented as well –

once i look up and out at the reality of women in the typical evangelical-y church system i get really, really sad. and really, really mad. when i read these statistics i honestly thought it was a joke. they are not representative of the majority of women that i know and their experiences. but then i remembered that most of the women i hang out with on a regular basis are, on the whole, no longer drinking the christian company kool-aid.
what do i mean by the company kool-aid?

i mean the things that the system tell us to believe. the things that leaders engrain into the community’s culture. the things that are backed up with “we’re 100% certain this is what God meant.” the subtle and direct messages that “good christians believe this.” the herd mentality that is so strong in any homogenous culture–this is the direction everyone’s going so i better tow the line and walk this way, talk this way, too.

And Sonja writes –

It made me angry to read these statistics. It made me angry, not just for the women … but for all the people involved in those churches. They are losing out. This is not the Kingdom of Heaven that Jesus talked about in the Sermon on the Mount, or as he walked with his disciples or at any time. Would even Peter, or John the beloved disciple be able to answer these questions so affirmatively? How about Mary Magdalene? Good grief, if even the disciples struggled with jealousy why on earth can only 6 women out 603 acknowledge it? Perhaps it was the word, often, that threw them off. Maybe they decided that they could deny that jealousy was something that strolled in and regularly did battle in their hearts. I know I will stand up and say that I am jealous all the time. It doesn’t make me mean anymore, but acknowledging it to myself and being able to laugh at it has made it easier.

Then this report made me sad. The kind of sad that aches in my bones. Because when I look at it I see poverty. The church in North America (like the US) may have a lot of money. It may have a lot of stuff. We may also have a lot of people for all I know. But we are starving to death. Emaciated and dying for lack of food, water and oxygen. Worse, we are doing it to ourselves. With a huge smile on our faces. We are a people with anorexia or bulimia. When we look in the mirror we see fat and happy, but the reality is we are starving. Dying.

In all truth I lost my faith in the Barna Group’s ability to conduct meaningful surveys years ago. The way they ask their questions, and especially who they ask them of, doesn’t exactly represent reality as I know it. But I get that for women in churches that tell them that “1. Women must not lead in the church, 2. To question that is to question the Bible, and 3. That to question the Bible (or admit there might be different interpretations) is a slippery-slope into unchristian liberalism” OF COURSE they are going to say that they are in agreement with their church’s confining views of women. I bought that lie hook, line, and sinker for years, I know that world.

So like the other women have expressed, these survey results sadden me. They do represent a segment of the church – one where patriarchy rules disguised in biblical clothing. These women don’t have the freedom to question their position without fear of being mocked or excluded from their fellowship. They don’t even have the freedom to admit they experience fear or jealousy (what sort of sick repression is going on here in our image first church world????) They don’t believe that they are allowed to be happy in any other setting. I get that that part of the church exists. But it’s not my experience anymore. Maybe the women who have escaped that world might not fall into Barna’s strict definition of Christian (didn’t a few years ago they define a Christian as one who believes in the Bible’s inerrancy?) I don’t know, I just know that some of these results are disturbing on a deep and visceral level. There is much we can learn from the results, and I am eager to read Jim’s response in his book. But I also think there is a real danger of these statistics being grievously misused in defense of the continued oppression of women and the silencing of half the church. I pray that is not the case.

“Now I become myself. Now to stand still, to be here, Feel my own weight and density!”

I began saying “no” to desserts and experimenting with my control over food intake at a very young age. No one ever told me that I was fat or not fat. This disorder of the mind and body takes place inside, in the stomach and the soul. I grew up hearing my Dad make jokes with my Mom; “I think I’ll run off with Mina,” my dad would joke (Mina Feikema—a single woman at the church who was quite thin and always trim and a friend of my mom—in comparison to my mom’s rounded body). My mom’s learned silence in deference to my father lay like a stone in my stomach. In my body I identified myself with my mom while desperately wanting the power and approval of my dad.

“Do you think you really need that piece of pie?” said my Dad with a smile, blurring the lines for me between need and desire; between pleasure and need; between eating as a function of bodily nutrition and eating as a social and physical event. I ingested a web of control; of withholding approval tied up with religion, with discipline, with saving money, with power of the will over all that is not “good”. I carried with me a constant perception that I am fat. I caught myself between two worlds—male and female gender; fat and thin; pretty and not pretty. What I put into my mouth or did not put into my mouth was one thing over which I had control. I thought it was the way that I could gain my father’s attention and blessing; the way that I could gain my self-esteem.

“You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.”
~Frederick Buechner, (author and theologian) was interviewed about his daughter’s near death experience with anorexia nervosa and tied it to his own depression.

I left my father’s house for Central Michigan University carrying in my stomach the stones of silence and control, of saving money and being “good,” no, not only good, perfect. “Be ye perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect”. I chose a cafeteria meal plan with no breakfast and I had a work/study job serving food in the cafeteria of the men’s dorm. It was the perfect set-up for feeding my secret desire. I made up the rules of this secret world as I went along; no breakfast; no drinking milk; nibbles of food rather than a full meal. It was a secret, this not eating. It was a secret way of covering myself up; of desiring to look like the boy-child that could be like my Dad. I could not please him being a rounded, curved woman, yet secretly I could make him look at me and make him be pleased with me because of how thin and boy-like I could become. Combining my stomach control with rebellion of house and church rules I drank alcohol and joined in the cruel jokes of fellow roommates and dorm mates of a “nerdy” and “ugly” woman I shared a room with. This led to a thinness of body and spirit that barely contained my secrets and guilt. I don’t know how much weight I loss that year—getting down to 110 or even 100 pounds or below was a goal. I often fell asleep in class and I went without my period an entire summer.

I believed that I could not find unconditional acceptance as a “fat” woman. I could not feel my own weight and the density of myself. I lived lost in my secret middle world, caught in a web of making myself sick by being good. To unweave this web is nearly impossible without friendship and growing a community of trust coaxing the secret soul out of its prison. One of the first of such friendships for me was with Lois Dorman. I admired this woman whom I met in a campus Christian fellowship group. Lois was tall, big-boned, and beautifully rounded. She, along with some other women friends taught a female sexuality class as part of their studies at CMU. Feminism with all of its liberation and freedom was new to me. Lois introduced me to this world and I found a community of women who were living and exploring them selves with gusto. I ate it up and it sustained my body and spirit. Yet the community of university is short-lived and I returned to my father’s house after graduation. Unable to reconcile the growing density of my self-image within an environment where I blamed a heavenly father for inaccessibility and an earthly father for indifference, I searched for communities of acceptance and for women who loved their selves and their bodies.

Through many years I see sawed up and down in my body weight. I carried with me a depressive weight of shame at the pit of my stomach that I could not let go of. Anorexia nervosa—this lingering image of myself as fat—remained with me. The birth of my daughter Temma with severe brain damage began the final unraveling of the tight web of shame, guilt, perfection, and secrets. Temma’s severe and profound mental and physical disabilities nearly crushed me. I starved my love and fed my guilt and shame. The church community that I was a part of at the time of Temma’s birth kept me alive. When I had no hope, other community members kept hope for me and for Temma.

For her sake, I could finally break the silence and gain the professional help that I needed to work at reconciling my inner and outer images of self. Within a supportive community of twelve, all of us together studying at a Master’s degree program in Pastoral Counseling, I engaged in my own therapeutic relationship. I spent three years unraveling the knots of shame and silence tied up with pleasing authority and punishing myself for my daughter’s brain damage. Three years into the therapy I remember the exact place that I was sitting when my counselor repeated to me something that now, finally, I could hear and allow to sink inside of me. “You did the best that you could,” she said. And I had done the best that I could. I began the long process of forgiveness, to settle into my own self and my own weight.

Sherri Lowly is currently pastor at Berry United Methodist Church located on the north side of the city of Chicago. She lives with her husband and daughter in the parsonage of Berry Church and they have living with them a wonderful couple and their two beagles. Their small intentional community home life revolves around care of her daughter Temma who is severely, profoundly impaired, and 25 years old in September.

He woke with a certain sense of confidence; an assurance that everything was going to be okay. Toby is normally extremely positive and upbeat, but this was beyond the norm. When I asked what happened, he told me.

He had a dream last night: a God dream. One of those where God speaks to you with insight and encouragement. In the dream, God spoke peace and light into our situation giving Toby the confidence that all would be well. It was an amazing gift and well-timed. The coolest part? God was a hippo!

Awhile back, my friend Wendy had a God dream. I don’t know what he said to her, but it was obviously impacting. And in her dream, God was Donald Sutherland.

Now, I fully believe that God speaks to people today, and I know he often uses dreams to connect with us. I’ve heard person after person tell me stories about God coming to them and speaking in their night. In these moments, God speaks to us in a way that resonates within us, that communicates in a manner that we can hear. But, as talking animals and movie stars? Seriously? How awesome is that?!

I seemed to get ripped off.

Every night, I dream about rescuing people from burning buildings, stopping hijackers on planes and tearing kids out of the grips of traffickers. I wake up exhausted, with sore muscles, having battled all night long. I’m certain there is a reason I have these action-packed, thriller dreams, and I’ve often thought I could certainly draw on my midnight experiences to write an award-winning screenplay. But they do wear on me.

Every once in awhile, I’d like a God dream; a nice, calm inspiring one. And I’m completely okay with white-haired movie stars and talking animal God-characters.

One night, maybe he will show up in my adventures. I’ll be trapped, trying to figure out which wire to cut on a ticking bomb and hear a voice speak to me. Ellen. Ellen. I’ll turn and see a beautiful butterfly land on the red wire. Follow me. I will lead you into all understanding and peace. Then, I’ll cut the red wire. The digital readout will stop. Silence.

Then maybe I’ll finally, truly sleep.

Until the next dream.

This post originally appeared at Ellen’s blog ellenstevens.com.

Joan Ball’s journey from Atheism to a Christian faith in her first book, Flirting with Faith (Howard Books, a Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.) resonated with me because I have gone through those similar experiences in my past. It’s just that I am finding myself no longer able to relate much anymore. Today I claim to be an Agnostic Christian who does not believe in many doctrines and interpretations of the Bible that run the gamut in evangelical circles. I am standing on the precipice of A/theism because I am falling out of belief of my human constructs of G-D. Yet, I really enjoyed Joan’s journey, and I will share some of my favorite moments from the book.

It is an honest and authentic journey that never bordered on preaching. She always owns her experiences and never tries to say that is how everyone else should believe and/or do things. Her experience of having her own life and being in control of her own destiny made the leap to belief in G-D all the more compelling.

The revealing things about her misery resonated with me as well. “I had yet to read the clear indications that I was at the root of my own misery.” (p. 63) This gut-level honesty is one of the things I love about Joan! Her child-like faith became a motif throughout her journey. It all started from the beginning of her conversion: “Within weeks of my conversion, my journal was peppered with erratic talk of surrender and repentance and desperate pleas to be changed from the inside out” (p. 81) This continued in decisions from leaving her job and selling the home her and her husband had built together.

Joan is a very creative and expressive person. An example of her open and poetic heart is when she said this: “I felt like a human zipper coming undone as God opened me up and showed me the best and the worst of myself through the lens of day-to-day life.” (p. 122) She is also realistic in her approach to faith in Jesus: “Jesus is no genie in a lamp. All the happy thinking in the world will not keep life from being life” (p. 165)

There was a terrible church experience that rattled Joan and her family. How they waded through it all and came out on the other side inspired me. Joan says, “I can never be completely sure, but I think that God allowed my comfortable church existence to be shaken up so that I could learn what it means to forgive radically and to love beyond reason, even when dealing with people I would have preferred to hate.” (p. 179)

Joan is now a teacher at a university and through her friend, John, learned what teaching is really all about. I loved this as I can see it reaching over to faith as well. John told her, ‘It is not about knowing everything and dispensing wisdom from on high. It is about reaching each student individually, heart to heart. It is about connecting with them as human beings in a way that meets their needs, not your convenience.’ (p. 188) Now, if more people like Joan could enact this in their daily lives when living out their faith we’d be in a much better place spiritually!

Now, I admit I am a walking contradiction, and scoffed at a lot of what Joan writes because I have been there, done that with so many similar kinds of stories. I just do not experience G-D in those kinds of ways anymore, let alone sensing the Holy Spirit at work. Maybe I am jaded or maybe it’s a season. For this I do not know, but I find myself slipping from faith to atheism, the reverse order of Joan’s journey. I feel like there is no plan for my life and feel like a waste of space at times. Chronic illness ravages my body. Not sure where I will end up on this odyssey but I want to thank Joan for sharing hers.

Adele Sakler currently resides in Sacramento, California with her partner, and their cute Tibetan Spaniel named Mushu. She suffers from, and is in treatment for Chronic Lyme Disease, a few other Tick-Borne diseases and Heavy Metal Toxicity. She considers herself at this point in her journey a Christian agnostic because she just can’t seem to sign on the dotted line and ascribe to all the doctrines and long-held man-made traditions of Christendom. She loves G-D and is a failing Christ-follower. She blogs at www.existentialpunk.com (where this post first appeared) and is the creator and site administrator for www.queermergent.com.

The Time Magazine Newsfeed recently posted an article on a new defense women have against rape – a female condom with teeth, literally. From the article –

As a young physician on call one night 40 years ago in South Africa, Dr. Sonnet Ehlers tended to an emaciated rape victim. As she counseled the victim, she always remembered one important thing she said: “If only I had teeth down there.”

Thus the development and advent of the Rape-aXe female condom, designed not so much as birth control or for STD protection, but more so as a defense against rape, particularly in South Africa, a nation where 1 in 4 men say they have committed the crime.

Without really describing how the Rape-aXe actually works, we can tell you how it is designed: the device is a latex sheath with barbed spines on the inside. It is inserted into a woman’s vagina much like a tampon. When an assailant attacks a would-be victim, seconds later he finds himself writhing in unknowable pain and must have the device surgically removed. About 30,000 of the devices were distributed for free during the World Cup in several cities and will sell for about $2 afterward.

But the device is not without its critics, with some saying it will cause rapists to become more violent, and others saying it could be misued by vindictive female lovers seeking retribution. But on her website, Ehlers has answers to all those questions and more.

Regarding men becoming angry upon getting trapped: Rape-aXe will buy you time to get away, ( I know this from a patient that caught himself in his zipper. Rape-aXe will have the same effect just worse.)…

My first thought was that this is a modern chastity belt. But instead of a rusty spiked diaper locked onto a woman by her father to safeguard her virginity, a woman can choose this option to protect herself. But the reason it’s needed remain the same – men feel like they can control women physically and sexually. In the past it was the fathers prizing their daughter’s virginity for the economic and political advances it could get them. Now it’s men asserting their strength and power over women through violence and rape. The times and methods have changed but the message that women are objects to be ruled and controlled by men is still alive and well in our world. But now women can do something to fight back against their attackers, branding them as rapists in the process.

As long as women are not seen as equals of men, men will continue to oppress and abuse us in these ways. I for one would prefer the world to change and equality achieved instead of something like this being necessary. But at the same time, men still treat women as objects and rape is all too common in our world. Giving women means to protect ourselves is a sad but necessary safeguard in a man’s world.

Julie Clawson is a mother, a former pastor, and a writer. She moderates the Emerging Women blog and has a personal blog at julieclawson.com. She is the author of Everyday Justice: The Global Impact of Our Daily Choices.

When South Africa was selected to host the World Cup, there was much rejoicing and reflection on how far the country had come. From the days of apartheid where human beings were not treated as fully human, the country has worked hard at reconciliation. The world used to forbid South Africa from even participating in global sporting events like the Olympics because of apartheid, so certainly, hosting an event like this was a great symbolic act for the country. No one is naïve enough to assume that all is well in South Africa. Dire poverty and economic disparity still plague the country. Old resentments still surface as forgiveness is not always easy. As with most countries, racial wounds do not heal quickly.

But amidst this celebration, it is troubling to hear one of the major stories coming out of the World Cup is the issue of all the sex slaves trafficked into the country for the event. While human trafficking is common for any major event like the World Cup or the Olympics, the problem is seemingly worse in a country like South Africa. The U.S. State Department considers South Africa to be a source of sexual slavery and forced labor, as well as a destination for human trafficking from other countries and a transit nation for the modern slave trade. South African human rights groups estimate that 38,000 children are trapped in the country’s sex trade. While there have been disputed reports regarding how many people have been trafficked in for the games, the fact remains that it is occurring.

For a games meant to symbolically celebrate a country’s efforts to see all of its citizens as full human beings worthy of respect, the widespread presence of human trafficking simply undermines that message. But while the country might be responsible for not trying harder to prevent trafficking in their borders, the real problem comes from the tourists and fans that create the demand for sex slaves. When the world gathers to celebrate sport and national pride together and the result is thousands of women and children abused and oppressed, good sportsmanship is nonexistent.

So what causes a celebration of national identity and a love of sports to end up in the oppression and demeaning of women and children? Is it an expression of power? Misplaced masculinity? There’s been much talk about what the governments did or did not do to prevent the trafficking, but why aren’t we talking about how to get fans to stop raping children as part of their celebration?

Julie Clawson is a mother, a former pastor, and a writer. She moderates the Emerging Women blog and has a personal blog at julieclawson.com. She is the author of Everyday Justice: The Global Impact of Our Daily Choices.