By Kathy Escobar
there’s nothing like writing a wrap up of an event 3 months after it happened! that’s what sometimes happens in my crazy life, but i didn’t want to miss the opportunity to share a bit of what i gleaned from a great time together at convergence 2009 (http://womensconvergence.com/) , a gathering of women leaders in portland in february, so that women who weren’t able to be there could catch a bit of what was shared.
on saturday there was a panel discussion that included a variety of voices that the participants chose with questions that they had written down earlier in the day. i had the privilege of being part of the panel & some of the thoughts from that segment are the tangible ones that might encourage other women leaders on their journeys.
here are a few highlights of statements & thoughts shared by the panelists (sorry, i didn’t keep track of who said what) that i wrote down afterward & have been reflecting on in different ways for the the past few months:
• “know our limitations” – this a big one for so many of us. many of us struggle with wanting to be all
things for all people. and because so many are capable and have incredible gifts, it is quite possible to give more than we probably should. it is important to cultivate a clear sense of what we can and can’t do, recognizing that some that we serve & love will not understand. it’s not our job to make others see; it is our job to create balance in our lives as best we can; that will most certainly mean acknowledging & recognizing our limits.
• “cultivate friendships with other women leaders so we can learn from each other.” i always hesitate to use the word mentor here because i know many of us (especially in the evangelical tradition where there aren’t as many women pastors in general) have been in leadership a long time without any true “mentors” that have invested specific time and energy in cultivating our gifts and supporting us on the journey. of course, many women have had these kinds of relationships, and i am glad some have received that support. for me, i think the most encouraging part of the past few years has been intentionally cultivating relationships with other women pastors/leaders/writers/pot-stirrers and really sharing life & experiences together. it has made a world of difference. one thing many of us have shared in different ways is how frustrated we’ve been in the spirit of competitiveness that often exists among women. i am not sure what that’s all about (i am guessing insecurity?) but i think that we need to really notice what kind of vibe we are putting off and be more confident in our roles, who we are, and love each other more intentionally. we are all busy, but making time for these kinds of challenging & encouraging relationships is so important.
• “make room for other women & voices as much as we can.” we have a responsibility to each other. the only way to keep hearing from a variety of different voices, no matter what that looks like, is for people with power to give it away. whoever has the microphone, the floor, the leadership usually has some form of power. the more we pass that microphone we have to our other sisters, encourage them to step up & use their voices, the better. and because we know what it might feel to be marginalized, we can use our leadership to include as many other new voices as possible—across gender, race, socioeconomics, and all kinds of other lines.
• “be who we are; don’t try to be something we’re not.” each of us is unique and bring different gifts and combinations of personalities and strengths and weaknesses to the table. we are supposed to be “us”, not who we think other want us to be or what we think we are supposed to be because of what kind of authors, speakers, whoever we see. it’s true, many of us will not make a ton of money or get some crazy book deal or a whole lot of other things, but hopefully we will honor who God made us to be and live as integrated and whole and honest as possible.
• “learn to be friends with men.” the question came up about our sexuality & how it can be a limitation if we are not in touch with it. there’s no doubt that much healing and restoration must happen between genders to learn to live and work and be together as equals, taking sex & power out of the equation. we have a responsibility as leaders to work on this, to change unhealthy patterns, to become more free in our ability to engage with men as friends, co-laborers, equals.
• “take good care of ourselves.” ah, self care. the demands of ministry, family, kids, work, and all of the other pulls on us can really take its toll. we all want to last. we want to live out who God created us to be. we don’t want to burn out. we want to take good care of our families. we want to live a balanced life that includes a lot of other things other than just leading. in order to do this, we need to work on taking care of ourselves emotionally, physically, spiritually.
• “accept the reality of injustice but do everything we can to fight against it.” the reality is that injustice against women in the church in many denominations is present. it’s real, it’s not going away anytime soon. living with this injustice is sometimes so hard; it can make us want to give up and throw in the towel or stop fighting for change. part of our roles as women in leadership is to live in the tension of what is and what could be and be bridge builders, risk takers, path pavers toward healing of injustice on behalf of the women who will come behind us. our daughters need us. our sisters need us. we may not see all of the fruit of our labors, but the work we are doing now plant seeds has the potential to grow incredible fruit in the future. let’s keep our eyes on them & not give up.
there were many other things shared in our time together, but these are the ones who have lingered. no doubt, there was incredible wisdom in the room. these tiny highlights won’t give it justice, but hopefully a little of what happened there is spread across the miles to encourage others, too.
kathy escobar co-pastors the refuge (www.therefugeonline.org), an eclectic faith community in north denver dedicated to those on the margins. she also is the cultivator of voca femina (www.vocafemina.com), new site for women to use their voices through art, writing, photography, and other mediums.
