Emerging Women

By Anonymous

What does it mean to be an abuse survivor and a Christian?

I’ve had good cause to wonder about this.

I am a survivor of emotional abuse. During the brief relationship I had with a young Christian man who went to my church, I was emotionally and mentally assaulted on an almost daily basis and told that I was bringing it on myself with my “crazy” behavior. By the time our relationship ended, I didn’t know down from up anymore. My entire sense of self was nearly obliterated by means of his chronic degradations. My entire reality was destabilized by him telling me that most of what I believed or experienced was wrong. What was worse, because he had endeavored to keep our relationship a “secret”, very few people knew we had even been together, let alone what he had done. I didn’t even understand the reality of what had been done to me until months later, and I had to resort to therapy in order to deal with the post traumatic stress disorder and hypervigilance that was interfering with my behavior every day. To make matters worse, going back to that church was not an option for me at the time. I felt at the time (and I still do) that it is not safe for me to be where he is, and opening myself up to the ridicule, blame, and disbelief that I felt I would experience from him and members of my church by exposing his abuse is simply not something I can face. I cannot even live in the same town right now; I live elsewhere.

I have been lucky enough to find a church family that affirms me where I am now. Therapy helps me to regain power over myself; as I do so, my need for vengeance against him diminishes. Forgiveness remains an open question, one I am amenable to in the future, but is simply not possible now. Kindly meant remarks such as “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” and “Well, why didn’t you leave him?” serve to fuel my rage. God sure as hell didn’t give this to me. Furthermore, blaming the victim for being unable to understand or combat the violence that was inflicted on her or him remains counterproductive at best, outright cruel at worst.

I wonder what it means to be the body of Christ when abuse has happened within it. What was done to me was justified by him with crude moralistic weapons. It was compounded when certain people I trusted treated me like I must have done something to deserve it. Neither of these has anything to do with Jesus or his teachings; quite the opposite, in fact. Yet I find time after time that Christians, including people that I cared for and trusted in my church community, still hold these anti-Christian attitudes. Hence my fear, which in one sense is unfounded (for maybe I am not giving them enough credit) and in another sense is very much based in reality. I’ve seen what happens to women who accuse famous men of rape in the media. I’d rather not have something similar play out in my own life.

What does it mean to be a woman in the church? What does it mean to be silent about violence perpetrated within the church? There is no doubt in my mind that Christ is by my side, weeping tears with me, gently bringing every new healing into creation, holding me up when I feel I cannot go on. I am not so trustful of his followers. Something about having the most fragile parts of you violated makes you wary of trusting people again. My own mother could barely believe that this happened to me. In the early days of understanding, trying to sort through what had really happened, one of my classmates said, “It could happen to anyone. You’re not alone.” I am not alone. What does that mean for me? What does that mean for the church?

What does reconciliation mean?

I don’t know the answers to these questions. I know that my Creator came to destroy a system that is so firmly entrenched that even today, with all our so-called progress, survivors are afraid to speak up. I know that it is only in Christ that I will be healed and become whole again.

The Building Fund
By Marnie Bullock Dresser

My brother said monkeys lived in the sanctuary beams
And if I would just sit still that one would drop
On my head and hug me tight and sit on my lap.
I prayed and waited, hands cupping “please.”
We grown-ups say church walls hold memories.
Acoustic tiles keep every hymn ever raised.
If we could somehow tap the glass, the stains
Would pour forth scenes of Easter hats and solvency.
But O! This old wineskin has a problem with mold,
And once the roof is fixed, the furnace needs
To be replaced. The whole foundation’s mortgaged.
The best fund raising in the world can’t bring
The monkeys back. The dust from angels’ wings
Drifts down in the pale quiet and drifts like snow.

Marnie Bullock Dresser lives in Spring Green, Wisconsin with her husband and son and is involved in starting a home church after years and years and years of church in buildings.

By Lori Wilson

Last Sunday, our family stood in a row and recited the Nicene Creed together with our local congregation, in unison with other congregations around the world, and indeed down through the centuries. I find particular delight in joining my voice with that of thousands of others, acknowledging my own infinitesimal part in something much, much bigger than myself.

However, I discovered something new this time, something I hadn’t [perhaps consciously] noticed before: the language of the Creed is so highly propositional. It lists the things which we, together, claim to intellectually affirm. And while I’m all for intellectual understanding & inquiry & application, I hope that my faith is something more. I don’t wish to take issue with the specifics of the creed; others have done so and will continue to do so “till the end of ages, Amen.” What I’d like to see, though, is language that reflects a wholehearted devotion to this God, to this path, to this way of being. A more holistic approach, perhaps. Tiny adaptations, really, but changes that would alter how we interpret our experience and engagement. So here, as a trial run, is a way in which I might like to recite the Creed someday:

The story of my people begins with one God,
the Father, the Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth,
of all that is, seen and unseen.

Our life is grounded in one Lord, Jesus Christ,
the only Son of God,
eternally begotten of the Father,
God from God, Light from Light,
true God from true God,
begotten, not made,
of one Being with the Father.
Through him all things were made.
For us and for our salvation
he came down from heaven:
by the power of the Holy Spirit
he became incarnate from the Virgin Mary,
and was made man.
For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate;
he suffered death and was buried.
On the third day he rose again
in accordance with the Scriptures;
he ascended into heaven
and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead,
and his kingdom will have no end.

We are sustained by the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life,
who proceeds from the Father and the Son.
With the Father and the Son he is worshiped and glorified.
He has spoken through the Prophets.

We find life and love in one holy catholic and apostolic Church.

We participate in one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.

We look with hope for the resurrection of the dead,
and the life of the world to come. Amen.

Lori is a home-based mom of two, volunteer-at-large, and proud survivor of 10 Michigan winters. She and her husband own Compass Outreach Media (http://www.compass-om.com/). Exploring faith–from the paradoxic vantage points of a rich heritage and a break-the-molds future–helps her get out of bed in the morning. This post first appeared at her blog QueFascinante.

Often when the topic of women in ministry is brought up, I inevitably hear someone say that the issue is just too controversial for them to deal with.  Either the topic is not permitted in their church context or they have very complementarian friends who might “be offended” if they broached the subject.  So for them keeping the peace dictates their behavior.  They just don’t go there.  Others may be supportive of women in ministry, but just don’t want to rock the boat or may think that there are far more important issues to address.

Whatever the case, the outcome is that the topic of women in ministry is simply brushed aside.  The problem with that is that in choosing not to engage the issue, those people are, for all practical purposes, making a choice to keep women silent.  To defer judgment on whether or not to let women pursue their callings is to say no to women.

So the question is – is risking offend a few people, getting personally ostracized, or having some tough conversations worth hurting not just women but those that they could be serving?

I’ve also been in churches that acknowledged that this can be a controversial issue – but that choose to err on the side of love.  They didn’t want to risk muzzling the spirit of God because of a theological (cultural?) debate.  They admitted that they could be wrong, but that they would rather respect and affirm the image of God in women than risk being judged for silencing God.

What’s the experience in your churches?  Is this issue addressed or avoided with a litany of excuses?

I thought that I would post this in case there are any readers from the Philly area.

“God always shows up in the most God-forsaken places.”
—Alan Roxburgh

In some ways, it doesn’t get any more God-forsaken than suburban America. This “Missional In Suburbia” seminar will take a look at two important topics: Suburbia and the Church. For some people, there is a sentiment that its impossible to really be the church in the ‘burbs. But for others, we believe that this is the place that God has called us. If we are going to stay, we need to ask what it means to “be the church” in a culture that is defined by comfort, consumerism, isolation, wealth, strip malls and hidden poverty.

This one-day seminar will focus on the development and culture of suburbia and the opportunities and challenges that this context presents the Church. We are honored to have Al Hsu, author of The Suburban Christian, lead the discussion along with some other local pastors and thinkers.

This one-day conference is open to all and will be helpful for pastors, lay leaders, and members of congregations. Our goal is to have some substantial discussion around practical issues that relate to the everyday practice of the Church and the Christian life.

Event Details:

* Location: The Well (Feasterville, PA)

* Cost: $25 (includes lunch)

* Dates: August 9, 2008 (On Friday night, August 8, there is an optional “open house”/”meet and greet.”)

* In Partnership With: Philly Emergent cohort, Ecclessia Network, and C4ML at Biblical Seminary

Register online now at: church.thewellpa.com

…or something like that.

So, I’m going to be spending some of my vacation time this summer with extended family members who are in a different place, spiritually and socially speaking, than am I. If history repeats itself, I will probably be on their short list of people to “convert” to the One True Way ™ at some point during the visit.

I have absolutely no desire to have a Jesus duel during our visit. These aren’t individuals that I see very often in person, and If I wanted to have a religious debate I’d stay home and surf Christian message boards.

During previous visits I’ve skirted around their questions by changing the subject. Most of the time this works pretty well, but there are certain topics (i.e. “You need to find a home church!” ) that just. won’t. go. away.

How do you deal with repetitive conversations like these? Is there a good way to say that topics X, Y and Z are off-limits?

(As an aside, I’m pretty good at saying “no” or “I don’t want to talk about that” with family members that I see more often. It’s the ones that I see once in a blue moon that I have more trouble setting boundaries with.)

In light of the recent discussion here regarding different expressions of Christianity around the world, I want to point out a recent Synchroblog put together by Matt Stone on Christianity in Australia. In honor of Australia Day, he invited bloggers from around Australia to comment on “What does it mean to be a Christian who’s Australian? What does it mean to be an Australian who’s a Christian?” He has provided his own thoughts and provides links to the other participating bloggers. It is well worth the read so I advise you to head over there to check it out.