Gender and Children
What are your thoughts on the Swedish couple who are keeping their 2yo child’s gender a secret in order to avoid preconcieved gender assumption being pushed on their child? (read the full story here) –
From The Local – Sweden’s News in England -
A couple of Swedish parents have stirred up debate in the country by refusing to reveal whether their two-and-a-half-year-old child is a boy or a girl.
Pop’s parents, both 24, made a decision when their baby was born to keep Pop’s sex a secret. Aside from a select few – those who have changed the child’s diaper – nobody knows Pop’s gender; if anyone enquires, Pop’s parents simply say they don’t disclose this information.
In an interview with newspaper Svenska Dagbladet in March, the parents were quoted saying their decision was rooted in the feminist philosophy that gender is a social construction.
“We want Pop to grow up more freely and avoid being forced into a specific gender mould from the outset,” Pop’s mother said. “It’s cruel to bring a child into the world with a blue or pink stamp on their forehead.”
The child’s parents said so long as they keep Pop’s gender a secret, he or she will be able to avoid preconceived notions of how people should be treated if male or female.
Pop’s wardrobe includes everything from dresses to trousers and Pop’s hairstyle changes on a regular basis. And Pop usually decides how Pop is going to dress on a given morning.
Although Pop knows that there are physical differences between a boy and a girl, Pop’s parents never use personal pronouns when referring to the child – they just say Pop.
“I believe that the self-confidence and personality that Pop has shaped will remain for a lifetime,” said Pop’s mother.
How do you react? But beyond that, how do you think we can model healthy conceptions of gender to children? Is avoiding gender so as to avoid negative preconceptions valid? Is it possible to teach healthy perspectives in a world full of unhealthy examples?
(HT Shane Magee)
Tags: gender roles, Sweden
August 5th, 2009 at 9:45 am
My first reaction was cool I would love to see how this turns out as I did attempted to raise my children in a non-gendered non-violent world by restricting access to gender specific items and dress. It didn’t work. In the absence of guns the boys used their bananas, toast or whatever they could use to make something to go “pow pow.” My girls both grew up liking men, dresses and make-up. One of my best male friends was raised to be a “man!” He is very effeminate.
My second reaction is the approach of these parents seems almost like a social science experiment. Not using pronouns, not allowing people to respond, react and interact to the child with full knowledge of who that child is seems cruel. Just imagining the conversations in the home by always referring to the child by name seems stilted at best.
I am a woman. I am not a girly girl but I also never feel limited by what I can or can’t do because of my gender. But instead of finding my self confidence and power by taking on masculine traits, I have found my power in who I am and who I was created to be. I have no limits on what I can do but I do have a way that is better for me to achieve my goals than being something or someone I am not.
August 5th, 2009 at 10:21 am
While very well-intentioned, this begs the question of whether or not the child will be able to function in a healthy manner in a gendered society. The article is limited, but the interesting thing about their experiment is that they are removing gender identity, but not replacing it with something else.
While I concur with feminist arguments about constructions of gender, parents who are aware and concerned assist their kids to function in a strong an healthy way despite gender constructions that may relegate role and function based on sex. In other words, they develop with their kids, healthy ways of coping and developing their own identity in an adverse world. The parents, try as they may, cannot control all of the variables forever regarding gender construction. So eventually, their child will enter into gendered environments outside of their control, where the other children have been developing healthy or unhealthy gender identity.
In other words, pretending gender constructions do not exist does little to prepare that kid to function in a world where it does. Think of the converse with a different issue: take racism. Race too is a social construction. Yet, race plays a HUGE factor into how our children will be viewed or treated by society, authority figures, and peers. As a parent of a minority child, I would be doing them great disservice by not teaching them healthy, proud, strong ways to function within a racist society. The same goes for gender. To pretend a problem does not exist does not provide the tools for dealing with it appropriately.
August 5th, 2009 at 10:23 pm
The feminist philosophy that I have gravitated towards (there are many) is one where gender is not ignored but value is egalitarian. The use of gender neutral career labels ie postal carrier vs. postman, waitperson vs. waitor/waitress, dropping female from female doctor or male from male nurse or the term murse! Different genders is not bad it’s reality however value, stereotypes, and limits based on gender are! I feel sad for this child. Their sexuality/gender are an integral part of who they are. I appreciate the parents intent, I really do, but I wonder about the imperceptible consequences for this child. A child as an experiment is a dangerous thing.
August 6th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
really appreciate the link peeps. it’s an interesting story and a fascinating issue.
August 11th, 2009 at 5:24 am
As usual, I am late to the conversation. I had a funeral this weekend and am just getting back into my routine.
I have to wonder … the article only seemed to speak about the parents keeping the gender out of the conversation, but did not seem to speak about whether or not they were hiding the gender from “Pop.” And having raised two children to teenager status now, I can assure everyone that with child #2 on the way, they will have far less control over “the conversation” once “Pop” begins to speak. Their little experiment will be over with when s/he turns about 3. It’s a nice idea, but really a little naive when one thinks about it.
August 11th, 2009 at 10:10 am
apparently they have no intention of keeping pop’s gender from popself or from people around pop who really need to know (i.e. those who would have reason to see pop naked). the idea is to try to stem the tide of cultural expectation placed upon pop (both internally and externally) due simply to pop’s gender.
August 11th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
I’ve read about this before and thought it was fascinating. I wonder whether Pop’s parents acknowledge their own gender(s)? What does Pop call them (mom, dad)? Wouldn’t this in itself influence how Pop views gender?
August 24th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
I have finally gotten around to commenting on this…
I think that “gender” is not a bad thing. God created humans with gender – male and female. “Gender roles” is entirely different, and perhaps this is what this couple is over-reacting to in their quest with “Pop”… but I find it hard to condone a social experiment on a child.
There is great power in words, to be certain.
deb
September 1st, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Okay, I am now thoroughly confused; is this a ‘Christian site’ or a secular site? I encountered it through another ‘Christian’ site and have been–in succession–mildly irritated, alarmingly amused, and now absolutely horrified! You people have some serious issues that need professional help–as does that couple with the inevitably gender-confused child.
Obviously God still has no idea what he’s doing and desperately needs our help….
September 4th, 2009 at 3:30 am
I think all parents do social experiments on their children. “Maybe if she doesn’t hang around that kid she won’t be influenced in that way,” or “I’ll make sure my child is in classes with the “smart” kids so that they’ll be smart, too” or whatever. I don’t see the difference between these common scenarios and the one in this article. I think this case stands out as strange because many people don’t seem to do this, at least not as drastically as this.
P.S. A child needs love, not to know whether or not she/he should be wearing dresses or “boy’s” clothes (whatever those are). Maybe this child won’t fit in with more mainstreamed children later on, but that doesn’t mean she/he will be alone.
And, um, Regina? You don’t need to be rude. Thanks.
September 8th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Interestingly enough, Sarah, ‘rude’ is not an adjective that those who know me well would attribute to my character. If asked, my friends would likely say that I have the potential for exasperation and can be somewhat iriitated by the obviously stupid and illogical(hence my comments); however, I would first be described as kind, compassionate, and understanding. Frankly, I don’t consider my reaction ‘rude’ at all–horrified maybe, but not rude.