Rights, Faith, Dogma
You may have seen the recent story in the news about Saudi courts refusing to annul a marriage of an 8 year old girl to a 47 year old man. The girl’s father had arranged the marriage in settle his debts with the man, but the girl’s mother (who had separated from her husband) was requesting a divorce. The courts turned down the appeal because the mother is not the girl’s legal guardian.
The story offends me on so many different levels. Using women as goods to be bartered with. Selling children. Forcing girls into marriage with older men. The lack of rights of a mother over her children. The list goes on… I think there are very few of us here who don’t find this offensive, but it brought up some questions for me.
I’m just wondering how Christians who insist that divorce is wrong, that wives must submit to their husbands, and that men are the head of the household respond to this. Do they think it is wrong for a divorce to be sought in this case? That the child-wife should just submit? That the decision of the father as head of household is the final word? If not, why is this scenario different than any other? If you believe there is one biblical interpretation for how marriage works can it be suspended for cases like this and why?
Tags: biblical marriage, marriage, saudi marriage
April 16th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
this, I would argue, is the end-goal of patriarchalism. This is the extreme, for sure, but ultimately “submission” becomes god and Christ loses his throne. Most Christians, I think, would consider this kind of divorce more than acceptible, especially since so many Christians divorce over lesser reasons.
While I ask the same questions myself, please don’t lump all blievers in line with that philosophy. I don’t believe it has anything to do with God, Christ, and arguably very little to do with Scripture.
April 16th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
What a tragedy that this question even has to be raised! Who of us would not save our son or daughter from such a situation? Who of us would sit in court and deny the freedom of dignity, hope and childhood to an eight-year-old little girl.
April 19th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
April – I truly don’t believe that believers do have that philosophy, but I am honestly curious as to why not? If they think the bible must be interpreted to say one thing about marriage, then how is it that they biblically make exceptions in these cases? And why not in other cases? I’m just curious about the theology there.
April 19th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
Well I believe that divorce is wrong, and I will one day submit to my husband in the same way that he will also give himself up for me as scripture says. I do also think there are christians that will force their beliefs and “convictions” on those that do not subscribe to this religion. I don’t think you can overgeneralize that all “christians” will condemn and be outspoken against a this divorce. I wouldn’t be atleast. Within the church it would be ridiculous in the first place, for something like this to occur. (taken that church is sound doctrinaly). I do agree that it is really lame when people who call themselves christians try to impost their own belief system on those who do not subscribe to it.
April 20th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Dear Julie (I think you are the one who posted this!),
My experience is that people who are that hard-core about male leadership and submission, divorce, etc., are generally not eager to contemplate situations like the one you posed. My background as a conservative evangelical kept me very protected from the hard questions. It was when I asked the questions you ask that the “walls came tumbling down.”
Many situations call for ethical decisions grounded in love and dignity, intuition, and sensitivity to the people involved. These are values Jesus taught, but that have somehow gotten lost in the attempt to codify, quantify, understand, and master the teachings in the Bible. Without these Christlike qualities we are caught in a trap of defending “truths” that defy common sense, even Godly sense.
You seem very clear about what you believe and think is true in this situation, and so I wonder what it is you are looking for in posting this story to this particular group of people. If it is outrage, I’m sure that is here. If it is support in your opinion, I support you! Know that for sure!
God bless you, sister, on your path.
April 21st, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Quoting Christina:
“I do agree that it is really lame when people who call themselves christians try to impost their own belief system on those who do not subscribe to it.”
Uhm – yeah…some people call that EVANGELISM.
April 21st, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Yeah I know it’s a real shame. I think its cool if you look at Christ’s ministry he never tried to impose anything, he genuinely cared for those he met with. Many times this was Him ministering to the divorcees and widows.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Julie, I think the point you are making (here I go assuming which we all know is dangerous) is that everyone would be for divorce in this case because it would “obviously” be the moral thing – the sensible thing – we don’t need scripture to tell us this – we know it. Soooooooooo – why isn’t it okay for us to use this kind of logic in other situations…for instance, why is it okay for a woman to teach other women and children but not men or why is it okay for a woman to teach a 17 year old teenage boy but not a 21 year old male – is there really that much difference????? Your post reminded me that I think the issue of women in church leadership calls for us to do what makes sense and what is moral.
April 23rd, 2009 at 6:22 pm
I agree with you Liz – I tend to be thankful for the blessing that God gave me a brain and an intellect.
April 24th, 2009 at 11:13 pm
Humm…25 years of marriage. 25 years of trying to throw out the old and put on the new. 25 years of trying to follow, support, submit and respond to the Man as head of the household. 25 years of trying to die to self and live to God. 25 years of trying, and failing, and missing the mark, and never being good enough. Most of our Christian friends will not understand. Most will blame me “going off the deep end spiritually”. (I’ve become liberal). It’s a very strange place to be–in the middle of one’s “sin”, yet forgiven. A very strange place.
April 25th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
While to you and me the questions are valid, to members of these patriarchial churches they are laughable. If women would submit to their husbands there would be no reason for divorce. If men cheat, it’s because the wives are not fulfilling their role. If men beat their wives, it’s the wives’ fault for being insolent. Et cetera and et cetera….
However, I don’t think even these men would find fault with divorce in the instance of a girl child married to an older male because, they would reason, Saudis aren’t christian. If the nation would be a christian nation, children would be protected and not sold into marriage. It’s due to the iniquity of their ways that such a shameful thing occurs. So we must go in and teach them the truth.
I grew up in such a church. I can recite their answers to any question.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:33 am
I don’t think it would be wrong for this woman to divorce her husband. He is endangering his own child..ie…neglect/abuse.
The bible doesn’t really talk about this neglect or abuse too much…but women are historically considered less than. Doesn’t make it right. A righteous man would never dishonor his own family. My guess is that this family is not Christian.
The commandment for submission in a marriage is misread by so many. It is supposed to be a beautiful thing -submission with love -not distaste.