Sex-Crazed: America’s Christian Subculture
By Adele Sakler
Remember how much of the world outside the U.S. laughed during the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky debacle of the 1990′s? They weren’t laughing with us. At times, this Western, naval-gazing, self-centered American culture seems quite laughable. Add to that, a prudish sub-culture of Evangelical Christianity wholly obsessed with sex, sexuality, and purity codes (perhaps a stubborn remnant of our Puritan heritage). All this singular fixation, over and above so many more pressing social and ethical issues.
Why does the Evangelical community seem so preoccupied with pointing out what they perceive to be the sins of others? Why this commitment to the role of morality police, lambasting everyone with their narrow interpretations of Scripture? It seems their selective view of holiness is far more important than how we actually treat our fellow human beings. Maybe if we worked harder on our own lives, focused on how we are treating others, a more holistic holiness could finally exude from our lives.
Sadly, this is my thesis: Evangelicals are nothing less than sex-crazed.
To the neglect of most other vices, Evangelicals are hyper-concerned with pointing out how being queer is a sin, and that the Bible explicitly denounces homosexual acts. Trust me, I get it all firsthand. But I’m not buying the rhetoric. I disagree with what I have come to consider outmoded and out-of-context religious interpretations. Of course, I do believe they have the right to their views, as I do to my own. Yet, I do not go around talking about their sex lives all of the time. Call me prudish. I think that what happens in the bedroom is between the two consenting adults who are in that bedroom.
Look, I’m trying to be a healthy, holistic person. I don’t find my identity in any one thing. I hope your sex life doesn’t define you, either. Being queer does not make up the entirety of my being, any more than being a photographer, a traveler, a blogger, etc… Sex is a normal part of a relationship, but it’s NOT all there is to that relationship.
My wife and I have all the same ups and downs of everyday life. Just like the straight couple next door. We deal with paying bills, learning better communication skills, taking care of one-another when we’re sick or down. We do household chores, go grocery shopping, and ALL those other little relationship accoutrements nobody writes poetry about, or makes picket signs over. Sex is just one aspect of the many facets in our relationship.
Every day, I am learning how to love, cherish, appreciate and care for Katryna, as she does for me. Do we have days where we fail and screw up? Of course! As I’m certain other couples struggle, as well. We pray together and alone, for one-another and for others. We are like most couples, except that we are two women who happened to fall in love. We are not constantly focused on sex, nor are we dead or indifferent to it. Sex is simply a natural and integral component of our relationship, where we deepen our bonds of intimacy with one-another, and with the Divine Creator.
It really does not matter to me where people fall on the issue of homosexuality: sin or not sin. My belief is that the Scriptures have been carelessly ripped out of their cultural and historical contexts, but when properly understood, they are not so cut-and-dry. We are human beings. We use ten percent of our brain capacity. How can we claim certainty in knowing what G-D intended for all avenues of life? The Bible is not an encyclopedia. It is not a FAQ sheet. In my view, G-D’s two greatest commandments are to love G-D, and to love others as we love ourselves. I think those were Jesus’ favorites, too. But the fruit of these commands are seen very little on this earth. When people aren’t dealing with planks in their own eyes, and are pointing out the specks in the eyes of others, they aren’t really learning to love themselves because they don’t make time to nurture and nourish themselves. They are obsessively focused on policing the morality or purity of others. Without the love of self, we can’t begin to love G-D or each other. Maybe it’s time to change focus.
Adele Sakler currently resides in Richmond, Virginia and blogs as Existential Punk is the creator and site administrator of Queermergent. She is currently going through long-term treatment for Chronic Lyme Disease, other tick-borne diseases, and heavy metal toxicity.
Adele has been a Christ-follower for 20 years and an “out” queer woman for two and-a-half years. Her involvement with the emerging church and Emergent Village has filled the better part of 10 years.
Tags: Adele Sakler, evangelical, Sexuality
March 27th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Thanks for sharing this Adele. I especially appreciated this statement:
I think it’s so unhealthy how so many (and I think this exists on both sides of the debate) want to define GLBT folk solely according to their sexuality. It’s very dangerous for those opposed to homosexuality, for it blinds them to fuller humanity of gay people, and it can be extremely unhealthy for those GLBT folk who do let themselves become so defined by others, to the point where their sexuality does become for them their defining characteristic.
March 28th, 2009 at 8:18 am
Mike,
Thanks for your insight. i agree it happens on both sides. i know of those people in the LGBTQ community who have been so rejected/hurt because of their sexuality only that it does become a self-fulfilling prophecy for them to have their sexuality become their defining characteristic.
i think it behooves the Christian community to reach out to us in the LGBTQ community by showing love, acceptance, and a desire to get to know the entirety of what makes us who we are. Dejected, rejected, and hurt people need this showing of Christ’s love.
Much thanks!
Warmest Regards,
Adele
March 29th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Adele – thanks for another good post. I really appreciate the message of seeing others as whole persons. My experience is that the majority of Christians I know that are energetic about pointing out that homosexuality is a sin don’t have any close friends or family members who are homosexuals…and therefore easily forget that there is much more to someone than just their sexual orientation.
And on another note – I am also very tired of people misusing scripture to try and intimidate others into believing as they do.
Keep up the good work.
March 30th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Liz – THANKS! i agree with you on both points you bring up!
Appreciate your encouraging words!
Adele
March 30th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Adele, thank you for your transparency.
First of all, since you said that “it really doesn’t matter to [you] where people fall on the issue of homosexuality,” I’ll go ahead and show my hand…I think it is a sinful lifestyle. You’ve heard all the arguments before, so I won’t go there. Plus, I don’t think a blog is a very good venue for a discussion as in-depth as that one.
On the other hand, I agree with you wholeheartedly that Christians in general do not show much care, grace, and love to homosexuals. I truly believe, though, that there are many who do love homosexuals but don’t know how to show it. They are uncomfortable with it, so they don’t do it. Moreover, most of what you hear aimed at homosexual Christians is from those few (relatively) who are blasting it and whose agenda it is to “get them saved.” Their rhetoric is usually against the individual rather than the lifestyle. Though this is a majority of what we hear, I think it’s a minority who are getting the press.
You say that sexuality is talked about too much among Christians. You’re probably right. I don’t sense that it is, but then you and I live in different places and among different groups of people. Plus, you are homosexual, so I would assume you hear about it more than those who are not.
As you say, the issue of identity is not sexual orientation. Our identity, rather, is “in Christ.” My son’s identity, at this point in his short 4 years, is in Daddy. Good or bad (usually), he looks like me, thinks like me, acts like me, and talks like me. Sometimes it’s cool. Sometimes very humbling.
Our job as believers is to “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” in order that we may “be transformed by the renewing of [our] mind[s]…” into HIS LIKENESS. And, as we are transformed, Christ will show in our actions toward one another and we will be able to say “it is not I, but Christ” with Paul.
Therefore, I guess what I’m saying is I believe that how we treat each other is directly affected by what we believe. And what we believe is directly affected by our view of the Bible. Is it inerrant? What method of interpretation should I use (this is the big one)? I know the EC is discussing these things now, and I’m eager to see what comes of it.
April 1st, 2009 at 9:23 pm
Joe,
Thanks for your kind-hearted response even though you disagree with me on the issue of homosexuality. i really wish more conservative Christians could have a heart and mind similar to yours and have mature conversations. Thank you for looking at the bigger picture, which i think is key.
i personally do not see the Bible as inerrant. i see it as the story of G-D with ALL of his/her creation. Human beings, even when inspired by G-D, are still fallible humans and get things wrong. They also bring their personal, cultural, political,and other biases into their thinking and writings. The MEN who decided on the Canon were fallible humans who had political motivations. i see the Bible as important and take it very seriously. That is why i do not just read it and tske everything at face value. i read and research.
i am reading a fantastic book right now that goes into the Hebrew AND Greek of the few passages used to condemn homosexuality. The author explains in the OT it was about purity laws for that time but not outright condemnation of homogenitality. The NT was not about condemning homogenitality either, but rather about social disapproval at that time. Therefore, with the translations of the words in Hebrew and Greek, it is NOT ethically wrong. The book is called ‘What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality’ by Daniel A. Helminiak, Ph.D
http://www.amazon.com/What-Bible-Really-About-Homosexuality/dp/188636009X/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1238645978&sr=8-1
i do not say all this to try and persuade you to my side of thinking, but to encourage and challenge us all that NONE of us has a monopoly on interpretation. We are ALL human and need to realize more that than one view is welcome at the table of Christ. Could i be wrong? Sure i could be. Yet, i am at peace with G-D for once in my life and i trust G-D will judge me how G-D sees fit. It all boils down to what people do is their free-will choice and is between them and G-D and NO ONE ELSE>
G-D Bless and Blessings to you.
Warmest Regards,
Adele
April 2nd, 2009 at 8:09 pm
I read this and I get so frustrated. As if we, yes I’m gay/lesbian, have to qualify ourselves by saying, “hey I’m NORMAL just like you straight people.” Instead to have a voice in the Christian community I/we have to qualify that our sex lives with our partner doesn’t matter.
I used to be active with in an emergent community and every conversation was around what exactly makes me “normal.” Even to most “emergents” we, the LGBT community, is one to be “reached” out to “in love.” And what is that really? Instead of, “Hey! There is (fill in blank)…..” No, it is mostly, “oh there is (fill in blank). They are (fill in blank, gay, queer, lesbian…) and how can they be Christian AND (fill in blank, gay, queer, lesbian….)
Yet when I enter feet into community with “gay Christians” I have to jump through hoops of “christianesse.” That to be Christian is being a “proper” Christian, whatever that is, and it is as though I have entered the same realm that I find in the “straight world.” So there I enter debates of should I be plan “A” or should I be plan “B” or is there another way, plan “C”. And then tie it in a neat little bow with tons of fluff that means nothing.
I’m far from “hating”, but frustrated. I have other thoughts but I’m working through them.
Blessings!
April 5th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Jules,
Thanks for your comments and i can identify with your frustrations. Just to be clear, i was not saying our sex lives don’t matter. i was saying that like heterosexuals, that sex is not all that goes into a relationship.
i know many within the emerging church/emergent conversation who have been quite embracing of me as a queer Christian woman. There are those who do not embrace me but that is everywhere.
i have not personally experienced gay Christians who deal with Christianese you speak of. i am so sorry you have had a negative experience. i just encourage you to not give up on your faith, G-D and know that there are authentic Christians, gay and straight.
Feel free to join the conversation at Queermergent and add your voice and thoughts.
Warmest Regards,
Adele
April 5th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Hey Adele!
I’ve actually been watching Queermergent since its start.
I appreciate what you have started there.
I did understand your meaning. However, it is frustrating for this to be repeated as much as it has or has had to have been.
I’m going to e-mail you a link to a community of Gay Christians. I think you will find it interesting. Justin has done a great work there.
I have not given up on my faith. I worked too hard to keep it in coming out years ago. I remember sitting in my therapist office and telling him I would not say I was (the words would hang in my throat at that time) gay until God gave me the peace about every thing. He did, as only Abba can do. Anyway, thank you for your comment back.
Blessings!
Jules
April 6th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Jules,
i am glad you are a lurker and now a commenter at Queermergent!
Glad you like the space.
Glad to hear you are not giving up on your faith. Sometimes i give up on the people who call themselves Christians because of the way they treat our community in a negative way so often, and above the LGBTQ issue, just how they think people who question, doubt, rethink things are heretics. Sometimes i want nothing to do with church and G-D’s people because it gets so tiring and i have better things to do with my time and energy. That’s why i do appreciate many in the emerging church/emergent conversation because they are open and honest.
Again, thanks!
Adele
April 7th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
I feel ya on that. I have had “battles” (too strong of a word, but I’m lacking in the right one right now) from both sides. Or the most frustrating, the how can I be gay AND a Christian. Some days I’m good natured about it and other days not so much. Sometimes, like tonight, I get so tired of being an “educator.” I was in sociology where gay marriage came up. I sat in “lone” silence while I heard the typical, “because the bible says so” and my fave that I’m mulling over at this moment, “they (gays) want to prove something by wanting to be married.” Anyway, I think I have now rambled. LOL I just caught your response and I guess decided to “spill”. LOL
And your welcome.
Looking forward to more discussion.
January 10th, 2012 at 2:36 pm
The most comprehensive and really well thought out write up I have located on this topic on the net. Keep on writing, I will keep on coming by to read your new content. This is my fourth time coming by your blog.