Choosing For or Against Women
Often when the topic of women in ministry is brought up, I inevitably hear someone say that the issue is just too controversial for them to deal with. Either the topic is not permitted in their church context or they have very complementarian friends who might “be offended” if they broached the subject. So for them keeping the peace dictates their behavior. They just don’t go there. Others may be supportive of women in ministry, but just don’t want to rock the boat or may think that there are far more important issues to address.
Whatever the case, the outcome is that the topic of women in ministry is simply brushed aside. The problem with that is that in choosing not to engage the issue, those people are, for all practical purposes, making a choice to keep women silent. To defer judgment on whether or not to let women pursue their callings is to say no to women.
So the question is – is risking offend a few people, getting personally ostracized, or having some tough conversations worth hurting not just women but those that they could be serving?
I’ve also been in churches that acknowledged that this can be a controversial issue – but that choose to err on the side of love. They didn’t want to risk muzzling the spirit of God because of a theological (cultural?) debate. They admitted that they could be wrong, but that they would rather respect and affirm the image of God in women than risk being judged for silencing God.
What’s the experience in your churches? Is this issue addressed or avoided with a litany of excuses?
February 19th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
I was a member of an SBC for many years. I, finally, could not take it any more. I do not feel called to preach, but I am a teacher and felt called to teach adults. Not just women, but adults. We left that denom and are now in a denom that ordains women into ministry. I’m happy here.
My choice was to stay and try to change a very large organization or just respect that they felt differently and find a new home. We are happy where we are now and now neither my husband nor I feel pressured into a role that doesn’t fit us. He’s not expected to lead (not his gifting) and I am free to teach adults and lead worship.
For us, it isn’t a matter of brushing it aside. Both of us do engage in that conversation whenever it’s presented to us. But we chose not to live in it.
February 20th, 2009 at 8:38 am
You are absolutely right when you say the choosing to remain silent is choosing to side against women in ministry–and those they might serve! My church ordains women and is constantly pushing the congregation and the denomination on issues they feel important to God.
Tami, I’m glad to hear you’re at a place which is honoring your talents and calling!
February 21st, 2009 at 9:30 pm
I’ve had a varied experience in my church. Several years ago it was not an important issue and was one largely avoided. We had a pastoral change and there was more openness, but still a lot of hesitancy to broach this controversial subject as several families involved in the church had traditional views of women’s roles. We, my husband and I, chose to stay and have continued to push and vocalize the issue and there has been significant change and openness. There’s still progress to be made, but I am thankful when I look back for what has happened and for those in our community for whom this has become an issue that is valuable and essential in our growth as followers of Christ.
February 23rd, 2009 at 9:30 pm
I’ve faced a mixed bag. I expect the opposition since (honestly) it is still the normative response. Look at a preaching conference or a church planting conference – the speakers are male, mostly Caucasian. Any women speakers are there for “the wives.” Yet at the same time in parachurch groups I am welcomed and encouraged to preach and teach, to preside at Communion and to pray with men and women.
What gets me though is the lip service that is paid to “wanting” or “affirming” women in ministry in print or in a speech, and then it is ignored when it comes to actual, practical and/or preaching assignments. I also get annoyed at “jokes” which are NOT funny (apparently all women like to shop and buy shoes and all men like to go buy cars… who knew?)
We are where we are for a reason. God hasn’t moved us. When the time comes, we hope to be moved as God moves us. It’s scary and yet an incredibly peaceful place.
Deb
February 26th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Like Amy and Deb, my experiences have been varied. I grew up in a denom that absolutely did not/does not allow women to speak AT ALL unless it was in the context of teaching children, and that only through 6th grade! Most churches at which I served were complimentarian in theology, but only one approached that philosophy in a way that was affirming to women and not just aggrandizing for the men.
But I’ve never been the silent type. I’ve always questioned the status quo of the church, particularly the evangelical branch with which I’ve had the most experience. Being a woman has been a black mark against me, but being single has rendered me practically invisible to people who should be listening–even here in the emerging church. I don’t think that is intentional here–I think it’s built in to the structures from which we are trying to break free. We just have to continue to place the crowbar against the structure and push until even the emerging church says, “Wait a minute! We’re not about the old traditions and that is one of those traditions we should actively question.”
So, much as I hate the role, I voluntarily allow myself to be cast as a troublemaker even here because if I (universal “I,” not just Sarah) am silent, nothing changes.
February 26th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
I, too, have found myself in a big bag of crazy experiences with this issue.
I grew up in a ministry family that embraced and encouraged women leaders. We were taught that God wouldn’t gift and anoint all of his children, then shut up half of his people to reach the whole of the world. The issue was never “should they”, it was always “how”: attitude, demeanor, character, and anointing were the preeminent factors.
I have aunts who pioneered missions works overseas, grandmothers who were licensed ministers, and many friends who speak international, trans-denominational levels. The odd thing is… most of these are older women.
Today, I feel as though the openness toward women has gone backward. It seems to be much harder to find support for women of God in my generation, than what I hear of in the past. I’m not certain why I’m seeing this; but would love input.
Personally, my palms sweat when I have to talk to someone on a one-on-one basis, or in a small group. But when I’m asked to speak before a large crowd, I feel as though I’ve arrived in my safe zone. I can’t explain it, but there is a sense of purpose that overwhelms me during those times. It’s such a place of sheer connection, that I almost feel as if I would be sinning or denying God if I ran from it.
Because of this, I can’t imagine that God would create people like me, who enjoy speaking, feel called by Him, seek to pursue and please Him… and tell them to sit in the nursery to serve.
Currently, my husband and I are church planters. I love it, but it is small and I long for a venue to fulfill what I believe God is pushing me into. As such, I’m in the process of starting a community women’s Bible study. Yes, it’s traditional. Yes, it might be stifling. But, I’m determined to dive into every opportunity provided me. One day, when the doors for ministry open further… I want to be ready to walk in.
February 28th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Even starting a parachurch organization is difficult if the male elders in the church don’t like it. When I realized many years ago that I would never have a place to speak in my church, I decided to broaden my scope and form a Veritas Forum branch at the local university, to help to back up the Christian students there. The Elders didn’t approve, wouldn’t support it (or me.)
But others did, and I’ve found a place to speak and act.
The problem with the church is a big one and I have no answer. Which denominations do allow women preachers? I don’t think there’s one in Santa Cruz.
March 1st, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Pamela – what’s interesting that that while a number of denoms theoretically allow women preachers, it often doesn’t show up in practice. I’ve talked to a number of Methodist women who have jumped through all the hoops but are still not getting assignments like the guys are. Even the baptist church I was a part of changed its constitution to be gender inclusive regarding pastors, but it was far from ever actually having a woman preach!
March 2nd, 2009 at 1:50 pm
i have but one thing to contribute (for the sake of brevity, which is not my forte on this topic), and that is that I am grateful to find a site-a conversational community-where I can read an article on such a topic and then read 8 comments of kind, rational human beings intelligently and respectfully working through and issue. I can’t remember that being the case. So, to my fellow humans, I say thanks. Because the dignity we allow each other (and that you extended to those who disagreed with you) is the necessary baseline for changing a broken world abundant with inequalities.
Thank You.
Grace and Peace to you.
September 14th, 2009 at 6:56 am
My childhood and youth were spent in an Evangelical church. During my undergraduate years – away from home and intoxicated by the freedom to choose – I visited many different churches. Our Christian diversity both fascinates and puzzles me. A local Pentecostal church had a fantastic college Sunday School class taught by a physicist, which appealed to me as a science major. Diversity of opinion and thoughtful discussion were welcome, so I landed in that denomination for a few years despite not being able to burst into tongues on cue ( I say that with all due respect and affection for those who find that ability to be crucial to their Christian walk).
Both the Evangelical and the Pentecostal churches belonged to denominations that were very conservative in their interpretation of women’s roles within the family. BUT they had also ordained women from the beginning, so women’s leadership roles in the church were not an issue. In fact, I was invited (cajoled, pushed, etc.) into leadership roles I was not even seeking, up to and including preaching while the regular minister was on vacation. I always felt respected and viewed as an equal by the male ministers, but never considered becoming one – a minister, that is – because the model did not fit who I was. That is not a criticism; I believe there are many valid styles for the pastoral role. The examples before me simply did not resonate with the way in which I felt called to minister.
After marriage, I moved to a neighborhood with an Episcopal church just a short walk from my house. There, for the first time, I experienced a pastoral model that spoke to me. It took me a long time to admit to myself or anyone else that I felt called to the priesthood. I didn’t want to be called. For several years, I ministered as co-developer and director of the parish Jubilee Center. Finally, I stopped resisting the call and entered the discernment process for the priesthood. Then came a rude awakening. My treatment at the hands of the Bishop, Archdeacon, and an interim priest – a mix of both men and women – was abysmal. The experience ranks as one the most traumatic of my life – and I’m pretty thick-skinned and not prone to hyperbole. No need to rehash the gory details here. I crawled away to lick my wounds and was taken in by some kind Presbyterians who appreciated what I had to offer and kept me busy teaching. Then I finished my D.Min., took a unit of CPE, and was hired as an on-call chaplain. I also gave up on the institutional church and started New Day Worship Community, a small experiment that blends some emergent qualities with traditional elements. Life and ministry are peaceful and fruitful now.
To sum up, though gender and ideology do play a part, I believe clericalism and institutionalism are the real villains. That’s just been my experience.